One Foot in Front of the Other.

The last post I did was when I was just starting on the lamotrigine. That didn't even last two weeks. It started making me sick after only 9 days. By day 13 I stopped taking it. I was getting the flu symptoms just like with the very first med I had had (the Carbamazepine)... the same flu symptoms which are a precursor to the death rash. I called my neurologist's office to tell them what was happening and get their advice, but they did not call me back for an entire month, and in the meantime I just used my best judgment and stopped taking it. I even waited a couple of weeks and tried again, thinking that maybe if I took it slowly I would be able to make it work (that's how badly I wanted this one to work). But after only a single dose, I began getting feverish and flu-y again. So that was that.

Speaking of taking a month to call me back, it looks like I am going to have to get a new neurologist. When the receptionist did finally call me back, she simply asked whether the problem had "resolved itself". I said yes, it resolved itself because I stopped taking the medication (!). She then told me that my neuro is dramatically cutting back his hours and is only going to be available part time, which is why it took so long to call me back. Then this week they called me again to push back my April appointment by two weeks and to tell me that from now on he will only be available two days per week. So basically, he's not available. And given that I'm still trying to figure out the right meds and I need someone who is around on a regular basis to help me do that, I need a neurologist who is around. Apparently I have to get a new referral, and I am supposed to do that through my GP. Very annoying. The receptionist said that there will be a 4+ month wait list for a new neurologist... which I don't think is bad given that it takes 4+ months to see my OWN neurologist anyway! In the meantime I'm running out of all of my prescriptions and can't get in to see him... thank goodness for the pharmacists and a good GP.

In other news, I have had a few rough weeks where I have felt very discouraged and burned out. I'm now working two full time jobs just to try to get my life and business back on track. That's really difficult and I'm exhausted all the time and trying to figure out how this is going to work, and how long I can manage that. My health can't handle this for long and my anxiety levels have been extremely high.

On the plus side, I've recently met an inspiring new friend who has been to hell and back in his own life (much worse than mine) and who has been talking me through the past couple of weeks. He's been strongly encouraging me to get some counseling to help me deal with everything. Incidentally, I just recently also met a counselor who specialises in people with chronic illnesses. So I'm going to start seeing her and hopefully she can help me work through some of the stress and anxiety and burnout and figure out where to go from here.

And yesterday as I was filling up my car at the gas station, I was overcome with an enormous sense of gratitude. It wasn't so long ago that I wasn't allowed to drive and was so broke that I couldn't fill up my car anyway. Now I'm driving and have a full tank of gas. So there is much to be grateful for.

One foot in front of the other.