Victim Mode?

Recently I have been dealing with a situation where another professional has been treating one of my clients poorly and she had asked me to talk to him on her behalf. I spoke with him on the phone last week and he treated me just as poorly, to the point of attempting to bully and intimidate me over the phone; when that did not work, he hung up on me.

I went to my regional manager to discuss it with him and get his insight because he knows the person in question. He let me know that the person has been diagnosed with a terminal illness--and while that does not excuse treating people badly, it may explain some of the behaviours.

I let that sink in for a few minutes, and I felt some of my anger soften. And yet I know that we all choose our response to the things that happen to us. I said, "but I have a chronic illness, and so does [another leader in our company] and we don't take it out on everyone else." He responded, "and that's what makes you good people."

Granted, my illness is chronic, not terminal. It's not going to kill me (not statistically, at least... there is something called SUDEP but that's highly unlikely). 

Regarding our responses to what happens to us:

If anything, my illness has made me more empathetic to the plight of others, not less. I didn't get it before. I didn't understand illness before. I had always been healthy. I didn't know what it was like to always feel shitty and sick and exhausted, and yet still have to find a way to function. I didn't know what it was like feel betrayed by your own body. I didn't know what it was like to live with deep depression. Now people ask me "how are you?" and I never know how to answer them; my standard answer is, "It depends on the day."

And so it mystifies me when I see memes on facebook that pit one illness against another, like the one someone posted yesterday, which created an argument where one person's friends started attacking another because in their minds diabetes deserves public funding but addictions don't. And the vitriol that came out of that thread, and the personal attacks that were completely uncalled for, just like the bullying of the man I talked about before--it might be explained by the shitty situation a person is in, but it can't be justified. Going through a bad situation does not justify treating others around us like shit. My experience with one illness doesn't negate the experience of people with other illnesses.

Where's the empathy? I'm so absolutely, incredibly grateful for the care I've received for my epilepsy; why would I want to deny that care for ANY other illness, just because it's different from mine?

And whether I have a terminal illness or a chronic illness or I am perfectly healthy for the rest of my life, why waste ANY of my energy on this earth in victim mode?

I mean sure, I've had my share of "feel sorry for myself" days. But I can't stay there all the time. It is what it is; eventually I have to accept it and move forward. Taking it out on other people doesn't make anything better, only worse. The best thing I can do is focus on making myself better (as much as possible and realistic) and giving the rest away. I wouldn't deny anyone else the opportunity to do the same.