Wednesday, January 13, 2016

there's no name for this

So, I had a pretty strong episode yesterday in the middle of kickboxing class. I don't think anyone noticed. When it happened, we were sitting on the floor stretching (between warm-up and the rest of the workout). We were sitting there and it hit me and took me a few seconds to come out of it, and just then everyone was starting to stand up. The guy who was sitting right in front of me (facing me) offered his hand to help me up, so part of me wonders if he noticed that something was happening, or if he was just being a gentleman. Either way, I let him give me the hand up. After that I felt fine.

I wish I could adequately describe what it feels like, but it's really hard to explain. It's like I'm suddenly dreaming, and the dream always feels like I've had it before. There are images, emotions, and with the strong ones I get dizzy and the dream blocks out what else is going on around me, but then it just fades off and is gone. The mild ones don't block out what's happening around me and I'm fully conscious while it's happening. The really strong ones make me dizzy and overtake me for a minute. They all just fade off in the end and I can't for the life of me remember what the dream was about (because it wasn't really a dream, obviously, just something misfiring in my brain!).

Back in the days of mystics they probably would have thought this was something spiritual. I know with other kinds of seizures or strange episodes they usually thought there was something spiritual happening, possessions and things. I can sort of understand why now, because it just completely overtakes me and I can't force myself out of it... it has to go away on its own. The strong ones can last up to a minute or two (at least, that's how it feels), but the mild ones are extremely brief, a few seconds.

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